It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
