I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
