Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
