No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
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