I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
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