Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me they were just razor bumps!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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