Tell her she can't have a vagina
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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