and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
