I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
