Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
