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she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
