i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
