it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
