I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
