He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
