last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
