Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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