I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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