You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
