The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
