I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
