thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
