i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
