Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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