Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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