He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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