My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
