We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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