my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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