I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
