My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
