Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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