Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Randomize
