I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
