Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
