I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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