I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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