3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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