the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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