this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
