I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
