she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
