Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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