I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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