She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
