I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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