A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
