cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
