Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
