I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
