I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
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