I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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