do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
