I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
