so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
