you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
