Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
