My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
