I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
